All publications of Mghoi Grace . Nairobi , Kenya


To my friend,

Hey anonymous… well I’ve run out of options on who to communicate with and that’s why I'm here. Of late I’ve been in my thoughts more frequently than usual and I don’t really know why but I don’t think it’s doing me good. I've always helped my friends, anyone I meet with and putting a smile on their face became a normalcy coz anyway ‘grace is always lighting up my world’ is what they say. So now I've reached at a point where even giving a fake smile is not my thing, sharing what I'm going through is so hard and waiting for everyone to sleep so that I can cry is what I'm doing best. Yeah, I know I don’t like it here but what scares me is I'm starting to adapt to all this and getting comfortable in a place where every sad thing that has ever happened in my life is ringing in my mind like a tune that got stuck there. I know I've always gotten support financially and for doing great things but I got so used to making people happy and so good at hiding my emotions that I forgot who I was; so now I'm almost turning 21 and I don’t even remember what it is like to be me. I don’t even know myself anymore… I am tired of fighting for people, tired of trying to fix things, tired of always being seen as the bad guy in every story where no one thinks I could be right, I am tired of trying to show people my worth; what worth anyway for a worthless person like me. I'm even ashamed to look at myself coz I disappointed the young girl, I disappointed the courageous daring happy girl, I bought sadness, sorrow and chaos to her that is why she chose to hide from me and I can’t feel her anymore because maybe she no longer exists in me. I miss her presence but even though I went back to who I was… will anything change…

Yours loving,

Grace Mghoi Mathuku.

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