Waking up everyday , i used to look at the mirror trying to fix what I saw wrong in my reflection , adjusting myself , hiding my imperfections - what I thought it was back then - , trying to be someone else , trying to be accepted - not as the way I m or for who m i - , to fit in , to met others expectations .
All that mattered before is how people sees me , i lived my life ignoring the most important rule that i will be never perfect in the eye of others so why trying so hard to be accepted when no one care about me ..! ,"about who i truly am ".
When finally i woke up from that nasty nightmare , i realized the most terrifying truth that i was looking to a broken mirror and simply i tried to adjust my reflection on it , i was blind . I never knew how much I was gorgeous and fabulous untill i gave permission to myself to look at me with my own eyes , the way i am - and ironically we need permission to do that -
And like always i gave it some thoughts and a lot of questions like usual .
Why I did that ?! .
Why I was willing to change myself ?!.
Why the mirror in the first place was broken ?!.
And for that i came up with two answers , the first it can be that i was scared to show the others who i truly was or even far worst than that i was afraid of who am i and neither of them was good for me anymore .
So for first step to change i made peace with myself no need for makeup , those extra fat that i have do belong to me and my life represent me it's no one else to middle in it ,
What I used to hate myself for become my strength i m different than you try to accept that each human being is different than the other .
In the end our difference is blessing not an enemy .
It doesn't matter black white , guy straight , rich poor , tall short , fat thin , beautiful average , man woman ...
Why r you criticizing and ignoring people based of their difference ?! - and stop telling me other than that - .
Why do you respect white american man and feeling more superior than black african man ?!. - they r the same just you choose to divide them - .
When it came to marriage are you willing to choose based on color ?! - and you do - or on the person himself his thought , mind and soul.
Why we can't put our difference away and look to the person in their eyes embracing and enjoying their meeting without trying to change them .
Stop discrimination for god sake .
Who did put you in charge ?!
Who did put the rule here ?! - for me it's rich white man but that's just my opinion - .
We are narcissistic human being just thinking about ourselves and accepting who we think he's our alley based on thing we did put , blocking any other possibilities that may go wrong with our plans .
We are hypocrites little creatures , we put the rules for others to obey and we will be the first to break it .
Just little bold example , why are we preferring black man in sex but throw them away when it came to marriage?! , why getting disgusting when it cames to try other cultures food based on their countries ?! - mocking chinese food , getting all nausea over african plate ...
In the end we do that , wanted to accept it or not , it's your choice but al least be honest with yourself .
Stop bullying others just because u don't understand them , i don't demand you to accept them - though you should , you r not better than them so stop this inferior/superior complexity -.
All i want form you is - so simple - just stop mocking them .
Everyday a child will born without knowing his self worth that you did stolen and smashed from him the day dot he open his eyes to this cruel world , just because of your arrogant idea of perfection .
Our biggest problem was never about our physical differences instead it's about the way we think about our mental illness's about the ideal world that we want to build - a world with the same image - .
This contagious illness that spread everyday even more by now shutting down any other possibilities to be different and not allowing others who don't belong to the flock to join in by suppression them their ability thoughts and the way they acte and live .
We are in society who worship similarity and likeliness .
Where the only way for you to be accepted is to leave yr identity behind and forgetting all that mattered once for you .
For them to achieve that they did use a twisted way so we can't be against them " out loud " . And here the big role of this tricky system , using our weakness - that they did put by the way - , our difference against us , smashing any other thought that can damage the system flow - it's kind of Matrix movie , letting us stay silent in the shadows and afraid of breaking the rules , afraid of any kind of disobeying , scared , not just about physical punishment but mental breaking - .
In the end the majority of us still waking up everyday to be other "thing" than themselves , putting various masks , hiding in the depth of their soul who they were , trying so hard to fit in the system , to feel secure with the similarities - even if it means changing, losing their identification - .
All i see in our difference is strength and power so you don't need to struggle to be someone else and for start you need to throw all those broken mirror that you used before and all those protocols then try to accept who you are and don't waste yr time to fit in .
All you need to do is to make yr own rules and believe in urself because you are more capable them you think .
Life is just a blink of an eye and for that i won't let anyone anymore to define who i am .
I don't care anymore about being judged for who i am and now i see perfection with in my eyes .
I guess finally i understood that my life is belong to me so i will enjoy it to the fullest without regrets or nothing in mind .
I m not a copy of you or for you to manipulate , i m different and i accept that .
-- writing by : Assma Mhamdi --
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