Machapisho yote ya Nguvu Ya Maarifa . Dar es Salaam , Tanzania
As a matter of fact, forgiving someone for what they said or did is not always easy.
It can be one of the hardest things one can do in life but trust me or not, it *(forgiveness)* sets you free and be something you need to do for no one but for yourself to be able to fully move on with your life.
I am of the same view with *Anne Lammet* that, not forgiving is like drinking poison and then waiting for the rat to die.
One of my friends at the university had never have the courage to forgive any person all his life. The only option he had was staying away or letting go those who offend or make him angry or hurt him.
One night with full of regret and pain, he told me his story and asked for a solution if not a help.
I then told him a story about *ex prisoners* of war. That, a year later after they were released, one asked the other, *have you finally forgiven your captains?* the other one with lots of anger replied *No, Never!* Woow, *They still have you in prison* said the other person.
I was very impressed by *Nelson Mandela's speech* after he was released from the prison after twenty seven years of detention.
He said, as I stand before the door to my freedom, I realize that, if I don't leave my pain, anger and bitterness behind me, I will still be in prison.
How many of us have imprisoned ourselves inside the walls of *anger and bitterness?*
When we feel used and abused this breeds resentment that can block our own happiness.
We can feel as if we should have known better than to become entrapped by the other person's negativity which can lead to self defeating emotions like *anger and hatred*
As *Catherine Ponder* puts it that, when you hold resentment towards another, you're bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel.
Self compassion allows you to see the person you wish to *forgive* in a more objective light because you are no longer limited to only viewing a situation as bad or hopeless.
You can at least start to see that, there's a lesson to be learned from your experience that can lead you towards *forgiveness* and as a result, greater happiness.
*Robert Muller* puts it that, to *forgive* is the highest most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.
Tough situations caused by others ain't meant to take permanent residence in our souls but the lessons they've to teach us are worth of permanent residence in our life.
Whether the lesson you learn is about finding a right partner, choosing to be thankful for your strength and knowledge or any other lesson, frees you from reliving your past hurts and pain because *forgiveness doesn't change the past, it does enlarge the future.*
To tell you the truth, holding grudges doesn't make you strong, it makes you bitter.
*Forgiveness* doesn't make you weak as most will term it, rather it sets you free. Letting go and *forgiveness* releases the other person's hold over you.
Its not meant to be an affirmation or an oath that, they are free to continue their poor behaviour rather, its a declaration that, you will no longer let their past behavior negatively influence your life.
*Learn to forgive and forget, it sets you free.*
*@Nguvu ya Maarifa*
-How to handle a person you love.
Keep in mind that, he or she will never be perfect. At some point, they'll be inconsistent and sometimes impatient. It's hard for them to handle your mood swings for they get angry too.
Give them the freedom to do things they like. The truth is, if they really love you, they'll never do things that will hurt you. They've a life to live so don't take it away from them. You ain't his or her world, you are a part of it.
Make some efforts for them. Ask them how his or her day went. Ask them what went wrong. Love them hard and be patient as well.
You should respect their choices and decisions. Give them the respect that they deserve.
Show them that you care. Keep him or her with warm hugs. Show to them that you are always there.
Like you, they need and deserve your attention too. He or she needs reassurance that, they are the only one for you. Don't give them some reasons to doubt you.
There will never be a perfect man or woman. At some point, you'll get disappointed and upset because they didn't become a man or woman you expected them to be bit because you love them, you accept every bit of him or her.
If they are worth the risk, keep them.
As we are going through the journey of life,we are likely to meet lot's of people.
Some of them become friends, some become enemies and others become part of our life.Have you ever asked yourself to why people come to our life?
Well, people come to our life for various reasons. Some be teaching us lessons, sharing new experiences,helping us grow to mention a few.
People are just like trees which have three main parts; leaves,sterm and roots.There are people who go to others for season, reason(s) and others for a life time.
Those who go to others for season are like leaves of a tree.Leaves don't last longer on a tree,no doubt for this.Those people go to others to fulfill their purposes and leave when their mission(s) are complete.
There is a next phase and an end for each season same as purposes which bring those people to others.
Such kind of friends are parasites because they are more takers than givers. They only consider you a friend when they want your help to solve their problems.
Again there are people who go to others to help them when they have nobody around to provide a help.They are the ones who sacrifice their time,money and they can do whatever it takes to making sure you are alright.
Just like a sterm of a tree, such people are strong but they can not last longer enough for you.
Consider your ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, an older friend,relative (s) and all others who in any way came and effected your life in one way or another. Regardless of their painful lessons and experiences they left with you but there are times when they were the only hope and help in your life.
The point is,don't forget a person who was there for you when nobody else was.
There are also people who go to others permanently and they are there throughout their life time. These are the ones who when they say I LOVE YOU, they mean it from their Hearts.
They are just like roots of a tree because of their strength especially in hard times. Such people wear the shoes of others and they are always connected to them.
They don't need any recognition from anyone but they are always there for others no matter what it costs.
Everyone has such type of people though sometimes you may not understand if they are the ones.Think of the people who scratch your back even if you don't scratch them back,they are the roots in your life so don't take them for granted.
Now,think to why you are engaged to that person you are calling a friend, a boyfriend, a girlfriend or any other. Then make sure you have the right and strong reasons for keeping yourself engaged to any kind of relationship that you are serving.
As a matter of fact, the How is always easy when the Why is clear..